The Wedding Charge or Central Message

The wedding Charge or central message, is where the meaning and vision of the marriage is presented mainly to the couple, but has relevance to the congregation or gathering. It is the central message spoken by the officiant during the wedding ceremony.

The Charge is to remind the couple of their vision of marriage. This would have been a dialogue between the couple and the wedding officiant long before the ceremony.

The Charge often includes responsibilities, roles, and mentions both the joy and obligations of both members in the marriage. This segment of the ceremony is preparation for declaring the couple to express their vows. There should be a direct connection between The Charge, and the Wedding Vows.

The wedding Charge or central message should be meaningful, as well as brief. Fifteen minutes is too long. Five to seven minutes would be ideal. People will stop listening after that amount of time because they really did not come to hear the officiant preach! They came to celebrate a wedding. And, the engaged couple has other things on their mind, like each other.

Mutual consideration, being kind, assuming the best of intentions toward one another, exercising patience, expressing confidence in the partner, and demonstrating affection toward one another are topics that may be included in The Charge. 

It can become a bit outdated and condescending if The Charge separates with too much intention the differences in the roles of the bride and the groom. While some traditions may still hold to such distinctions, there is now greater sensitivities toward mutuality in a marriage, even though some roles may be distinct.

While the husband was once to provide leadership, be the provider, and serve as protector, wives today have all of these qualities. In years past the wife was to be submissive, obedient, and to create a happy home. Partnership, respectful voice and open communication are now understood to be qualities that apply to both parties.

Great advice to the engaged couple is to be very sure that you have met with the officiant well in advance as you do not want to be surprised about what is said during the ceremony. This is YOUR wedding, and the vision of what a wedding is, and how your marriage will be lived, should be yours, not the officiant’s.

The Charge

Wedding Charge or central message examples

The following are several examples of how The wedding Charge or central message might be expressed. Feel free to discuss these options with your officiant well in advance.

In each of the examples below, the officiant should be looking at, and directly communicating with the engaged couple. If the officiant is looking at the congregation, the meaning of this element in the ceremony is misaligned and will come across as most awkward.

The Dance

You are both now called to a new responsibility.  You have chosen to add to your individuality, to an ever present consideration for each other.  From now on, your decisions will have a direct effect upon your partner, very different from the impact that you have on other relationships.  

This need not limit or impede your growth.  Rather it can open your life to new possibilities, greater creativity, and additional opportunities for personal growth and a new level of maturity.  

How you blend your lives together while maintaining your own sense of person, will be a dance that the two of you will uniquely fashion.  The music at times will be sweet and soft, a symphony of grace and poise.  At times the dance will be like drums in a jungle, like the stomping of feet.  War-like images may cross your imagination.  

Work at the dance lest you injure your partner.  Work at the dance and you will learn new movements in life.  

Flex your muscles of patience, consideration, healthful determination, and endurance, and see if you are not stronger, both individually and together when the time comes to rest in each other’s arms. 

The Dance


The Journey

What we do today marks neither a beginning, nor an ending, but simply another step in a continuous journey.  Along your path you have already met many strangers, and some have magically become entangled in your life.   

The steps that you take today, are evidence that you have each discovered in your journey, a companion. Now the horizon is bright.  That which is around the corner holds anticipation and excitement.  

As you travel, you will meet those who bring good fortune.  They will place within your hands treasures of relationships, talents, and wealth of various kinds.  

You will also meet those who will try to rob, and take from you the pleasure that you find in each other.  Take care that you recognize the robber for he or she comes in disguise.  If you dare, you can sometimes see the thief who would take from you the joy of your love, the intimacy of your union, and the harmony of your marriage.  

The intruder, if allowed, would impose his or her presence in the place of your lover, leaving only loneliness.  The bandit, if you dare look, is hiding in your mirror. It can be your own  wants and demands that hurt you most.   

Take care that the manner in which you meet your needs does not rob you of the joys that you seek.  Sometimes, that which we want most, we already possess, and the searching renders satisfaction impossible.  

Unless you share with each other your fears, your worry, and your needs, they will replace you.  Your partner will have, not you, but your uncontrolled and distorted reflection. And you will have your own lonely image for a lover.   

Learn that openness, giving, understanding, forgiveness, and patience, are the most powerful weapons, or better stated, tools for security, that will defend your marriage and your home from such intruders. 

May God be with you as you learn the art of loving, and may you grow in grace toward one another.  

The Journey


The Garden

I now charge you both to remember that true love is like a garden. 

There will be flowers and fragrance that bring delight and joys.  Together you will grow in the warmth of the Son, and in the nurturing of the earth.  

You will blossom, and each year become stronger with your roots deeper into the soul that feeds you.  You will become as the honeysuckle climbing to new heights, sweet in the fruit of your spirit.  You will be like the rose, unfolding petals of beauty for the pleasure of the other.  

But gardens are not without effort.  There will be the thorns on the rose and briars ‘neath the marigolds. There will be that which will choke and hinder, things that deprive, and cause you to wilt.  

Tend the garden.  Do not neglect its care.  For as caring years increase, so too are the rewards of its keeper.        


Wings toward Discovery

You have made great preparation for this day which marks the beginning of a new way of being together. It will form a new relationship.  

You have each discovered in the other a beauty that adds to your life.  You have found that your partner brings a freedom, an exhilaration, a transcendence from the ordinary.   

These are great and wonderful gifts.  I urge you today to take care that you do not cling tenaciously to these treasures, for in so doing, you may crush them. 

Let each other’s wings unfold so you will be able to see more of your partner’s beauty.  Let the other soar in the development of talents, personhood, and self.

Be mindful of each other’s needs and be willing to serve, rather than be served.  Otherwise you will stunt the growth of your partner and dwarf your own blessings.   

Let the development of each other’s talents be the ground for new growth, new discovery, and the point at which you come together as virgins again.  

Let the discovery of the other’s growth be exciting and do not fear the change nor cling to what once was. All people change over time and you have the pleasure and privilege of both observing and contributing to that change.   May who you each will become stimulate new feelings of joy within yourself.  

May you greet change with delight and rejoice in the opportunities of each new day.  Let your passion be for the good of the other, for in so doing, you will find your own senses satisfied, and your heart will be at peace.   

Wings


Your Marriage Song

I now charge you both to listen to these words that can be the score upon which your marriage song is written.  

The violinist does not master the art in a moment.  There are times when the musician is at odds with that which sings to please the heart. 

There are times when even the most skillful caressing of the harp’s strings will produce discord. 

These are opportunities for reflection, learning, and rest.  Yet those who are blest with such an instrument of beauty, cherish their gift and never cast it aside for long.  It is over a lifetime of intimacy that both the musician and the strings respond to each other in unison.  They are one, yet each remains unique.  

This is the challenge to which you are called.  If you are determined and open to grow, to learn, and to change, if you are confident in your own soul, in your own person, and in your own truth, and if you can work toward knowing that the blending of the other does not destroy the harmony, but rather sweetens and lightens it, then you will grow old together and have riches beyond wealth.  

May you play your life's instruments in harmony and in joy.

Music