Creating your Wedding Guest List

Developing your wedding guest list is an important part of your wedding because you are sharing your wedding experience with those who mean the most to you.

Your guest list sets the stage for the celebration. Everything is more fun and more meaningful when shared with those we love and care about.

Guest List Welcome

When to start planning your wedding guest list

Develop your wedding guest list at least 3 months in advance of your wedding date. You and your fiancé should be talking about this early in the process.

Start by considering your budget as the number of guests will increase the cost of food, invitations, thank-you notes, guest favors, and other details. More guests also increase the potential number of wedding gifts, however, this is not a good reason to invite a large number of family and friends. 


Invite your wedding party and their significant others

At the top of your guest list should be each member of your wedding party and their significant other. Extending an invitation to significant others is essential. Your wedding is an important event for your closest family members and friends who will be directly involved in your celebration. Each member of your wedding party will also want to share their experience of this special day with those they love.  

Significant Other Time

There are obvious limitations to how much time members of your wedding party will be able to spend with their significant other on your wedding day.

One way of acknowledging the special place that the significant others have as a group is to designate a table at the wedding reception for these folks to all sit together.

As they all have a direct relationship with some member of the wedding party, being together at the wedding reception will create an opportunity for them to feel included and share their highlights of the day.


Your wedding guest list: How to manage expectations

Guest List Expectations

It is a compliment to you when family and friends hope to be invited to your wedding. It is also a compliment when family and friends have strong feelings about wanting specific individuals to be included.

The opinions of others are important to consider as these suggestions may bring to mind factors that you might otherwise overlook. Listen to each suggestion. Consider why it would be best to expand the invitation list, and how this may complicate or over-extend the budget and venue capacity.

Be relaxed, and gracious about such input, because the decision is yours. Of course, if you are not paying, you need to give more flexibility if it is the payer who insists on extending an invitation beyond what you may prefer.

Guest List Time


Take your time in communicating your decision.

Time changes how people feel, even when they are initially passionate about something, and you too, over time, may change your mind about who you want to invite.

When sufficient time has passed, and you need to finalize the invitation list, make sure you share your decisions. Even when we hear news that disappoints us, we are still grateful that someone took the time, and cared enough to share the decision.

Guest List Expectations Resolved


Setting guidelines for your wedding guest list

It is helpful to establish a few rules or perhaps guidelines when determining who will be included in your guest list. I like guidelines better because there will always be exceptions that you will want to make.

For example, including children and teens in the guest list is often a subject of debate. If we include one nephew or niece, one cousin over another, then what about the others?

You may be able to have a standard criteria, such as no children under the age of 12, but it may depend upon the strength of the relationship or other circumstances. What will you do about an infant in arms? Perhaps the mom is breastfeeding and insists on being close at hand to care for her baby.

Another guideline may be that you invite family first, meaning your brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, and grandparents, and then friends of only the bride and groom. If there is remaining capacity, you could extend six invitations to be filled by each parent of the bride and groom.

Guest List Social

What will you do about those relationships from the past or relationships that are specific to life's circumstances?

Friendships that have been formed through sports clubs, wine-tasting groups, college colleagues, and other common interest groups may give you pause.

There may be a personal preference and good reasons to do so, however, there is no obligation to invite neighbors, work associates, friends of friends, friends of the family, or past friends of long ago.

Of course, if a true friendship has evolved that surpasses the social element of the relationship, then by all means, extend the invitation.

It will be helpful to have your guidelines established in your mind. Doing so will enable you to easily articulate your rationale should you be asked about your decisions by friends and family.


Helpful tips for creating your wedding guest list

Start with a budget based on the cost per person for the reception. Once you know how much you have allocated for the reception, the cost per person divided into the reception budget will tell you how many family and friends can be on your wedding guest list without exceeding your budget. If your wedding guest list exceeds your budget, you have the choice of limiting the guest list, expanding your budget, or making other compromises. 

Develop a list of all potential guests. Take into account family wishes and determine who MUST be included among the invitees.

Begin to narrow the list. You may want to determine if it is easiest to build in decision-making consistency. For example, determine if cousins, work colleagues, friends of parents, children, etc. will, as a rule, not be included in the guest list.

Guest Book