Wedding Rehearsal and Dinner: What you need to know

The wedding rehearsal

It is important that you have a wedding rehearsal. Wedding ceremonies can be very chaotic and are a fairly unique experience as you typically do not have much marrying practice over your lifetime. To avoid confusion and ensure things go well, opt for a wedding rehearsal.

Schedule the rehearsal soon after you have selected the officiant, and make all members of the wedding party aware. The rehearsal takes place the afternoon or early evening before the wedding.

The wedding party and the officiant need to be present at the rehearsal, as well as every member of the wedding party. Be sure to include the musicians, speakers, and those participating in any special part of the ceremony. If you have a wedding planner, be sure to extend an invitation.

You do not need to go through all the vows, readings, music, etc. in detail. You just need to go through the segments of the ceremony sequentially in order for everyone to know who does what, and when they do it. Your officiant, or the wedding planner if you have one, should lead the rehearsal.

Wedding rehearsal plans and protocols

As soon as you have decided upon a firm date for the wedding, book the wedding rehearsal and the dinner that follows. Explore your options in advance. Whoever is hosting the rehearsal dinner, along with you and your fiancé, may want to have dinner in advance at the various locations in order to test out the food options, check out the customer service first hand and experience the ambiance of the location.

There will be great variation in price depending on the location and food options. A deposit may be required at the time of booking in order to hold your reservation.

As the date draws near, visit the location to be sure everything is in order and that they are prepared for the event.

Type of rehearsal gathering

The wedding rehearsal gathering is an important part of wedding planning. The rehearsal dinner can be at a local restaurant, club, at the home of the groom or bride’s parents, or at a relative or friend’s home. The gathering can be outdoors or indoors, but be mindful of a backup plan should the weather require a change of plans if you choose an outdoor experience.

If the event is at a private residence, it is best to have the rehearsal cocktail or dinner gathering catered. If the rehearsal dinner is at a restaurant or club, the staff should be able to accommodate the group. 

Who pays for the wedding rehearsal dinner?

Who pays the bill for the wedding rehearsal dinner depends on a few factors. For more detailed information, refer to the section entitled, How much does a wedding cost?

Hosting the rehearsal gathering is usually the role of the parents of the groom, and as such, the parents would typically be responsible to pay the bill. This is not always the case. It may be that this is a second marriage, or parents may be deceased, or other circumstances, in which case the costs may fall upon the bride and groom.

Who is invited to the rehearsal dinner?

Along with the members of the wedding party, you will want to include the parents of both the bride and groom. An Invitation should be extended to step parents so long as they are invited to attend the wedding. Other invitations should be extended to the bride and groom’s siblings, grandparents, the wedding officiant, special guests, and their spouses or significant others.

It may be easiest, instead of word of mouth, to have simple hand delivered invitations. The invitation can double as a thank you card.

Timing of the wedding rehearsal dinner

The wedding rehearsal dinner takes place the same day as the rehearsal, and is best planned to be held the day before the wedding. Logistically, this is the best time for the rehearsal as everything is ready for the wedding, and out of town members of the wedding party have arrived. These are the reasons that this is an excellent time for connection, relaxation, and expressions of hospitality.

Plan the rehearsal dinner to be a late afternoon or early evening event. This should not be a late evening dining experience. The following day, which is typically the day of the wedding, will be very full. You want to give out of town members of the wedding party time to settle into their accommodations, and provide an opportunity for the bride and groom with some down time. Close out the evening early.

Location

When selecting the location of the rehearsal dinner, consider travel and convenience. You will want to limit distance from the rehearsal dinner venue to hotels and local wedding party residences.

The wedding rehearsal dinner is a more relaxed and celebratory event as the closest friends and family of the bride and groom have now come together. If alcohol is involved, be sure to promote and perhaps even provide designated drivers, uber, lyft, taxi, or other forms of paid public transportation.

Food and beverages

This gathering can include heavy hors d'oeuvre or a full course meal. Either way, no one should leave feeling hungry, but not stuffed either.

Consider menu options that provide alternatives for those who have food allergies. There should be meat, vegetarian, and gluten free options. If the event is buffet style, all food items should be labeled. Any good restaurant or caterer should know the ingredients of each menu item should anyone ask.

You may want to consider whether or not to include highly seasoned food. If this is familiar and part of the regular diet of your guests, then this may not be a consideration. I personally love Caesars salads but save them for another time depending on the upcoming social situation. Your wedding party will be in close proximity to everyone the following day, and some flavors, while wonderful when you are dining, linger, and the experience may or may not be as wonderful for your guests the following day at the wedding.

Hospitality

Whoever is hosting the rehearsal dinner needs to welcome everyone as soon as the group has gathered. If the gathering is hosted by both parents or a couple, it is a tasteful gesture to have both stand together, and perhaps share the welcoming words.

It is critical to have what you are about to say memorized. You are making a brief statement; nothing complex. It communicates sincerity and comes across as genuine when you speak from your heart without notes. I am always a bit amazed when prominent leaders, even royalty, have to refer to their notes to say something as simple as, thank you for coming. Seriously, you had to be prompted for that? Memorize your words and say something like the following:

Could we please have your attention for a moment? (Pause)

Pat and I are delighted that you are here with us to celebrate Chris and Jordan's wedding.

Thank you for arranging your schedules to make time for us to be together. Your presence makes this event even more special. It would not be the same without you. We invite you to relax, and enjoy the evening.

I will make a few closing remarks at 7 p.m. to close out our evening. We want to be sure you have some relaxing time before tomorrow's celebration.

Please join me in raising our glasses in thanks, to you for being part of this celebration, and to Chris and Jordan for making it possible.

Cheers!

At the close of the evening the purpose of your talk is to simply and tactfully indicate that the evening has concluded, and it is time to go. Gain everyone's attention first. Then something like the following is in order:

Could I please have your attention for a moment? (Pause)

This has been a wonderful evening of connection and joy. We look forward to seeing you tomorrow.

For now, travel home safe, and sleep well.

Goodnight everyone.

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