How to write wedding vows

As it is a romantic and personal statement about the committment you are making to each other, it is important to know how to write wedding vows. There is much room for creativity. There are also key elements that must be included.

If you chose to write your own wedding vows keep in mind the elements of what is intended for this foundational and most important part of the wedding ceremony.

I remember when my wife and I were figuring out how to write wedding vows for our wedding ceremony. Our officiant insisted on reviewing what we were planning to say in place of traditional wording. He wanted to be sure we included words that had all of the components of a life long unconditional commitment.

So we were careful to include words that described what we each were committing ourselves to.  We included statements declaring that it was our intention that this be a life long relationship built on love. We made specific promises that we would be determined to stay together through life's circumstances no matter what those circumstances might be. We declared that we would find strength in each other, and be determined to hold to the promises that we were making.

Of course we said this much more eloquently. 

When you take a vow, you hold yourself accountable. You do not place blame, fault, or responsibility  on someone else. Vows include promises and statements that give assurance that you will do something, that the other person can depend on it, and on YOU.

Vows are sacred, as they say something about your personal sense of integrity, worth and trust. They are the expression of your whole being that includes your mind, body and spirit.

The vows express that this commitment gives you new meaning in life.

5 Things to include when writing your own wedding vows

1. Reference your own name as well as the name of the person to whom you are making a commitment.

2. Mention of the seriousness, sacredness, solemnity and importance of what is taking place. It gives credibility to what you are about to say.

3. Make specific promises, commitments, and assurances that are unconditional.

4. Include statements that indicate you are taking personal responsibility and accountability for shaping the future relationship.

5. Use words and expressions of assurance, integrity and trust.

How to write wedding vows based on your personal story

You might want to include references to:

• How you first met
• What drew you together
• A place, event, song, or common interest that became special during the evolution of your relationship
• How you came to know that he or she was the one
• Were you both drawn to music, nature, the arts, a career path

A framework for your vows

Introduction: My dear Chris, I remember when I first saw you . . . .

Describe key characteristics that drew you together: While our walks on the trails were fun, I knew then that I wanted you as my partner for all the walks that we would ever take. I knew it because . . . . 

Declare your commitment: Knowing you makes me excited and committed to be your husband, both now and for the rest of our lives. We know life will bring great happiness. We also know life can bring great sorrow and struggle. My deep joy will be to travel those roads together with you. We will be each other's strength and companion. We will be true to each other. We will nourish our love in every situation. Thank you for standing with me today, and each day to come.

Consider inviting friends to write a draft

If you have a friend, or friends who love to write, consider inviting contributions. They may have some great ideas about how to write wedding vows. 

You can make it fun by making it somewhat of a competitions, and certainly a celebration. When the vows are drafted, bring the authors together at a dinner party. Read the selections, and share the one(s) you have chosen to be included in your wedding ceremony.

This will be a very personal and special gift from your closest and most creative friends. 

By inviting more than one friend to author wedding vows, it is clear that there will be no obligation to use any one person's writing. It may be that you would want to include excerpts from several of the submissions when crafting your vows. The various submissions may also spark ideas for you to write in totality, your own vows. 

An example

I'm Getting Married: Now what do I do?

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