The Wedding Party
Things to consider when selecting the wedding party
When selecting the wedding party keep in mind that it should be a party. This means picking those with whom you get along well, those who build you up, and those who are problem solvers rather than mischief makers. These individuals may be your closest family members or friends who celebrate you.
Don’t limit yourself to tradition when selecting the wedding party. When determining how many is too many, pick a dozen if you want, or only one attendant between you and your partner. It is your day.
You may also want to keep in mind that more is not necessarily merrier. The more attendants you have, the more opinions, preferences, schedules, and personalities will be involved. More also means more expense.
While you can forget tradition, you will not be able to forget the budget.
Have as many or as few in the wedding party as you wish, and factor in the proportionate increase in expenses.
It may be that there will be those who anticipate an invitation to be part of the wedding party. You cannot please everyone, and you should not extend an invitation out of obligation. Help those who may be disappointed by reassuring them of your friendship, and a relationship that continues to be meaningful and important.
Do gender traditions matter when selecting the wedding party?
Another area of tradition that you can toss if you want is stereotypical gender roles. When selecting your wedding party the groom does not have to pick male friends for his best man or groomsmen, and the bride does not have to pick women to be her maid of honor and bridesmaids. It may be that, as the bride, your best friend is your brother, college male friend, aunt, grandmother, or grandfather. The same goes for the groom. Maybe the best man is the groom’s sister, female life mentor, or significant friend. The great thing about today is that we have the freedom to choose.
The designation of what your attendants are called does not matter. Bridesmaids could be called Bridesmen, and the Maid of Honor could be named as the Man of Honor. Likewise, the Best Man could be called Best Woman, Best Lady, or First Lady.
The titles, Lady of Honor, or Man of Honor can apply to both the bride’s and the groom’s first attendant as well. Let there be Ladies of Honor or two or more Men of Honor. The names are not important. What is important is that you choose the members of your wedding party based on your own personal preferences and relationships.
Dressing up!
One of the most prominent factors in the minds of those in the wedding party will be the clothes. Wedding party attendees will want to know about the dress as they will want to look their best. Clothing is very personal and choosing attire that meets everyone's expectations may be difficult.
It is always best to include the wedding party in the selection. By doing so, you will have a much better chance of gaining agreement or at least consensus about a particular style and color. Take plenty of time for a decision, but remember, the final decision is yours.
It is not just women who care how they look. Men care too. Be sure to involve the guys. Some men will not care. Some will gravitate to more conservative attire. Some will have a definite opinion. This will vary depending on personalities and where the style fits on the spectrum from casual to formal.
Accessories like suspenders and hats, etc. will create more excitement or apprehension. If the guys are asked to move outside their comfort zone, help them know that this is a fun event. The affirmation of the group will be powerful in helping them be comfortable with the selection.
Extend a written invitation to be part of your wedding party
It is best to be upfront about some of the details and the expenses with those you invite to be part of your wedding party. This will bring about clarity and avoid misunderstanding. In the minds of your attendees will be questions about logistics and expenses. Clarity will prevent awkward conversations and hurt feelings in the future.
While face-to-face dialogue is always important, extending a written formal invitation, clearly outlining how a few details and corresponding expenses will be managed, will be invaluable.
The invitation could look something like the following:
A Special Invitation from Jordan and Logan
To be part of our Wedding Party
Our wedding is one of the most important events in our lives. That is why we want you by our side to celebrate our day. Thank you for considering being a member of our wedding party.
We know that being part of a wedding celebration comes with an element of complexity and cost. To help you plan we offer the following to give you an idea of how we both might manage some of the details. Should any of the expenses be a hardship, let’s talk it over to see how we might make adjustments. We truly want you to be part of our special day.
No Engagement, Shower, and Wedding Gifts: Your presence in our wedding party is your gift to us. Seriously, please do not purchase a gift for us. We hope that each member of our wedding party will stay united in honoring our request.
Wedding Day Breakfast and Lunch: It’s on us. We will have a light continental breakfast with assorted fruit, cheese, pastries, and hot coffee. For lunchm we will have a selection of salads and sandwiches.
Hair, Makeup, and Nails: We are hiring a cosmetologist and plan for a fun morning when we can come together to prepare for our afternoon wedding. This is at no cost to you.
Let’s go Shopping: We want to go shopping together to select the wedding attire. We will stay with a uniform color and length, but variations in the specific style of the outfit can be adjusted to flatter our unique preferences and body type. By doing this, we hope that you will be able to wear the outfit on subsequent occasions. Thank you for budgeting a maximum of $300 for your outfit, accessories, and alterations.
Travel and Accommodation: If you will be traveling, we will give you plenty of notice for you to book early to take advantage of discount airfares. We have also arranged a block of rooms with discount rates at a local hotel. We hope that this will help minimize the cost of your travel.
Our Thanks: Jordan and I very much hope that you will be able to be part of our wedding celebration. Please let us know if there is anything that we can do to make this possible.
We know that being part of any celebration takes time and resources. As a small token of our appreciation for you being part of our wedding celebration, we are including a gift card for $50 to each member of our wedding party for those early morning coffees or other life perks.
Thank you for being our special friends. We look forward to sharing the joy of our wedding day with you.
Sincerely,
Jordan and Logan
I'm Getting Married: Now what do I do?
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