The central message
Wedding Ceremony Charge to the Couple
A wedding charge to the couple is a short message from the officiant about the meaning, responsibilities, and promises of marriage. It is sometimes called the central message of the wedding ceremony. It gives the officiant a chance to speak personally to the couple before they exchange their vows.
The charge can be traditional, contemporary, spiritual, secular, romantic, or even gently humorous. What matters most is that the words reflect the couple, their relationship, and the kind of marriage they hope to create together.
The charge should be meaningful, as well as brief. Fifteen minutes is too long. Five to seven minutes would be ideal. People will stop listening after that amount of time because they really did not come to hear the officiant preach! They came to celebrate a wedding. And the engaged couple has other things on their mind, like each other.
There should be a direct connection between the charge and the wedding vows, since the charge prepares the couple to say their vows.
On this page you will find wedding charge examples, wording ideas, themes, and guidance. Whether you are a couple deciding what you want your officiant to say, or an officiant preparing the message, these ideas can help you create a charge that is personal and fitting for the ceremony.
People will stop listening after that amount of time because they really did not come to hear the officiant preach!
The quick version
- A charge is a short message from the officiant to the couple before they exchange vows.
- Keep it to five to seven minutes. Fifteen is too long.
- It should connect directly to your vows and reflect the marriage you two want to create.
- Talk with your officiant well before the wedding so nothing surprises you.
- The officiant should look at the couple, not the congregation.
From David: I have officiated at many weddings over the years. The charge is the one moment in the ceremony when the officiant speaks straight to the two of you. Keep it short, keep it about you, and let it lead into your vows. You can read a charge I gave at a real wedding with the examples below, and if you want help deciding what yours should say, the workbook walks you through it.
In this guide
What should a wedding charge include?
The charge often includes responsibilities and roles, and it mentions both the joy and the obligations of both members of the marriage. Mutual consideration, being kind, assuming the best of intentions toward one another, exercising patience, expressing confidence in the partner, and demonstrating affection are all good topics to include. It can remind the couple that a strong marriage is made not only in the important moments, but also in the ordinary ways they choose to treat one another every day.
It can also reflect the couple’s own beliefs about marriage. Some couples want a message grounded in faith or tradition. Others prefer an emphasis on equality, partnership, friendship, family, independence, or growing together through life’s changes.
A charge can become a bit outdated and condescending if it separates too much the roles of the bride and the groom. Some traditions still hold to such distinctions, but there is now greater sensitivity toward mutuality in marriage, even though some roles may be distinct.
The husband was once to provide leadership, be the provider, and serve as protector, and wives today have all of these qualities. In years past the wife was to be submissive, obedient, and to create a happy home. Partnership, a respectful voice, and open communication are now understood to be qualities that apply to both people. A charge should speak to the marriage this particular couple wants to create.
That is why couples should talk with their officiant well before the wedding about the central message of the ceremony. You do not want to be surprised by what the officiant says about marriage at your own wedding. Discuss the themes, values, tone, and beliefs you want reflected.
This is YOUR wedding, and the vision of how your marriage will be lived should be yours, not the officiant’s. The officiant’s role is to help put into words the meaning and vision that belong to the two of you.
This is YOUR wedding, and the vision of how your marriage will be lived should be yours, not the officiant’s.
Examples of the wedding charge to the couple
The following examples can be adapted to fit different couples and wedding styles. Couples and officiants should discuss the tone, themes, and meaning of the charge well before the wedding so the message reflects the couple and their understanding of marriage.
In each example, the officiant should be looking at, and directly communicating with, the couple. If the officiant looks at the congregation instead, the meaning of this part of the ceremony is lost and it comes across as awkward.
From David: A Charge I Gave
Best for: Couples who have been together a while and have already built a life, family ties and a story worth telling back to them.
Tap to read
Daniel and Grace, you have already begun your new journey.
In the time you have known each other, you have made new friends and cherished old ones. You have built dreams and turned them into realities. You have met each other’s families and grown those meetings into loving, meaningful relationships. You have already begun a legacy of love.
Grace and Daniel, you have been a kind and giving daughter and son, and a loving sister and brother. You have been an inspiration to grandchildren, wise mentors to nieces and nephews, and a friend and buddy to cousins.
You have ridden horses and won competitions. You have built businesses and careers. You have taken risks, and each time you came away with wisdom or wealth, and sometimes both.
You have already laughed a lot, cried a little, made each other’s dreams come true, and lived in faith, turning ordinary life into deep and lasting joy.
Today, it is the delight of everyone gathered here to honor you, and to journey with you into a most promising and happy future.
May this ceremony, as you become husband and wife, remind you that whatever stresses life may bring, your love, respect, trust, faith in God, and your care to understand each other will keep deepening the joy you share in living your life together.
I gave this charge at a real wedding; the names have been changed. Notice that most of it is about the couple themselves: what they had already done, who they already were to their families. That is what makes a charge personal. Ask your officiant to do the same for you.
Example 1: The Promise
Best for: Couples who want a warm, contemporary message about commitment, friendship, and choosing one another throughout marriage.
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Marriage is more than the promise you make to one another today. It is the way you choose to live that promise in all the days that follow.
As you begin this life together, remember to make room for both the person you love today and the person each of you will become. Encourage one another’s dreams. Be curious about each other’s thoughts. Listen not simply to respond, but to understand.
There will be days when loving one another feels effortless, and there may be days when it requires patience, forgiveness, and a conscious decision to find your way back to each other. On those days, remember what brought you here. Remember the friendship beneath the romance, the respect beneath the promises, and the reasons you chose one another.
Celebrate the ordinary moments as much as the extraordinary ones. Laugh often. Speak kindly, especially when you disagree. Never become too busy to say thank you, too proud to say I’m sorry, or too familiar to say I love you.
Protect the life you are creating together, but also give each other room to grow. Let your marriage be a place where each of you feels known, valued, supported, and free to continue growing into the person you are becoming.
And as the years pass, continue choosing one another—not because you made a promise once, but because you keep discovering reasons to make that choice again.
May the promises you make today become more than words spoken at a wedding. May they become the foundation of a marriage filled with friendship, resilience, laughter, tenderness, and a love that deepens with every season you share.
Example 2: Your Moments Together
Best for: Couples who want a contemporary message about growing together through life’s ordinary and extraordinary moments.
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Today, you stand together at the beginning of something that will never be completely finished.
A marriage is built slowly—in conversations and compromises, in shared laughter and quiet understanding, in plans that unfold exactly as you hoped and in unexpected moments that ask you to change those plans entirely.
So as you begin, remember that the person beside you is not simply someone with whom you will share a home, a calendar, or a future. This is the person you have chosen to know deeply and to love generously.
Give one another the freedom to change and the encouragement to grow. Continue asking questions. Continue sharing your hopes. Continue discovering who the other person is becoming.
When life is good, enjoy it together without rushing toward whatever comes next. When life is difficult, stand beside one another rather than allowing the difficulty to stand between you.
Be gentle with each other’s imperfections. There will be times when one of you has more strength to give than the other. There will be moments when patience matters more than being right, when listening matters more than finding an answer, and when simply being present is the greatest expression of love you can offer.
Do not measure your marriage by whether every day is happy. Measure it by whether you can be honest with one another, whether you feel safe being fully yourselves, and whether you continue to find your way toward each other through all the changes life will bring.
Years from now, you may remember some of the words spoken here today. You may forget many of them.
But remember this:
You do not build a marriage in a single moment.
You build it in thousands of small ones.
May you recognize those moments when they come, cherish them while they are yours, and continue choosing to build a life in which both of you are grateful to belong.
Example 3: The Dance
Best for: Couples who value both individuality and partnership and want a contemporary message about learning to move through life together.
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You are both now called to a new responsibility. You have chosen to add to your individuality, to an ever present consideration for each other. From now on, your decisions will have a direct effect upon your partner, very different from the impact that you have on other relationships.
This need not limit or impede your growth. Rather it can open your life to new possibilities, greater creativity, and additional opportunities for personal growth and a new level of maturity.
How you blend your lives together while maintaining your own sense of person, will be a dance that the two of you will uniquely fashion. The music at times will be sweet and soft, a symphony of grace and poise. At times the dance will be like drums in a jungle, like the stomping of feet. War-like images may cross your imagination.
Work at the dance lest you injure your partner. Work at the dance and you will learn new movements in life.
Flex your muscles of patience, consideration, healthful determination, and endurance, and see if you are not stronger, both individually and together when the time comes to rest in each other’s arms.
Example 4: The Journey
Best for: Couples who see marriage as a shared journey and want a reflective message about companionship, self-awareness, and growing together.
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What we do today marks neither a beginning, nor an ending, but simply another step in a continuous journey. Along your path you have already met many strangers, and some have magically become entangled in your life.
The steps that you take today, are evidence that you have each discovered in your journey, a companion. Now the horizon is bright. That which is around the corner holds anticipation and excitement.
As you travel, you will meet those who bring good fortune. They will place within your hands treasures of relationships, talents, and wealth of various kinds.
You will also meet those who will try to rob, and take from you the pleasure that you find in each other. Take care that you recognize the robber for he or she comes in disguise. If you dare, you can sometimes see the thief who would take from you the joy of your love, the intimacy of your union, and the harmony of your marriage.
The intruder, if allowed, would impose his or her presence in the place of your lover, leaving only loneliness. The bandit, if you dare look, is hiding in your mirror. It can be your own wants and demands that hurt you most.
Take care that the manner in which you meet your needs does not rob you of the joys that you seek. Sometimes, that which we want most, we already possess, and the searching renders satisfaction impossible.
Unless you share with each other your fears, your worry, and your needs, they will replace you. Your partner will have, not you, but your uncontrolled and distorted reflection. And you will have your own lonely image for a lover.
Learn that openness, giving, understanding, forgiveness, and patience, are the most powerful weapons, or better stated, tools for security, that will defend your marriage and your home from such intruders.
May God be with you as you learn the art of loving, and may you grow in grace toward one another.
Example 5: The Garden
Best for: Couples who want a poetic, faith-centered message about nurturing love and helping their marriage grow through every season of life.
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I now charge you both to remember that true love is like a garden.
There will be flowers and fragrance that bring delight and joys. Together you will grow in the warmth of the Son, and in the nurturing of the earth.
You will blossom, and each year become stronger with your roots deeper into the soul that feeds you. You will become as the honeysuckle climbing to new heights, sweet in the fruit of your spirit. You will be like the rose, unfolding petals of beauty for the pleasure of the other.
But gardens are not without effort. There will be the thorns on the rose and briars 'neath the marigolds. There will be that which will choke and hinder, things that deprive, and cause you to wilt.
Tend the garden. Do not neglect its care. For as caring years increase, so too are the rewards of its keeper.
Example 6: Wings Toward Discovery
Best for: Couples who value individuality, personal growth, and a marriage that gives each person the freedom and encouragement to become more fully themselves.
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You have made great preparation for this day which marks the beginning of a new way of being together. It will form a new relationship.
You have each discovered in the other a beauty that adds to your life. You have found that your partner brings a freedom, an exhilaration, a transcendence from the ordinary.
These are great and wonderful gifts. I urge you today to take care that you do not cling tenaciously to these treasures, for in so doing, you may crush them.
Let each other’s wings unfold so you will be able to see more of your partner’s beauty. Let the other soar in the development of talents, personhood, and self.
Be mindful of each other’s needs and be willing to serve, rather than be served. Otherwise you will stunt the growth of your partner and dwarf your own blessings.
Let the development of each other’s talents be the ground for new growth, new discovery.
Let the discovery of the other’s growth be exciting and do not fear the change nor cling to what once was. All people change over time and you have the pleasure and privilege of both observing and contributing to that change. May who you each will become stimulate new feelings of joy within yourself.
May you greet change with delight and rejoice in the opportunities of each new day. Let your passion be for the good of the other, for in so doing, you will find your own senses satisfied, and your heart will be at peace.
Example 7: Your Marriage Song
Best for: Couples who want a poetic message about harmony, individuality, and learning to create a marriage together over a lifetime.
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I now charge you both to listen to these words that can be the score upon which your marriage song is written.
The violinist does not master the art in a moment. There are times when the musician is at odds with that which sings to please the heart.
There are times when even the most skillful caressing of the harp’s strings will produce discord.
These are opportunities for reflection, learning, and rest. Yet those who are blest with such an instrument of beauty, cherish their gift and never cast it aside for long. It is over a lifetime of intimacy that both the musician and the strings respond to each other in unison. They are one, yet each remains unique.
This is the challenge to which you are called. If you are determined and open to grow, to learn, and to change, if you are confident in your own soul, in your own person, and in your own truth, and if you can work toward knowing that the blending of the other does not destroy the harmony, but rather sweetens and lightens it, then you will grow old together and have riches beyond wealth.
May you play your life’s instruments in harmony and in joy.
You do not build a marriage in a single moment. You build it in thousands of small ones.
How to choose the right wedding charge
There is no single wedding charge that fits every couple. The best charge reflects the relationship, beliefs, personalities, and hopes of the two people getting married.
As you read the examples, consider which central idea feels most like your relationship. Is marriage, for you, a promise to be renewed, a journey to be shared, a garden to be tended, a dance requiring adjustment, or a song whose harmony develops over time?
Couples can share a favorite example with their officiant and then personalize it. Officiants can also combine ideas from several examples to create a message that speaks to the couple standing before them.
Create a wedding charge that sounds like you
You have seen several ways a wedding charge can express the meaning of marriage. Now take a few minutes together to discover what you want yours to say.
Printable workbook
Create Your Wedding Charge
A 6-page printable workbook that guides you through 5 simple steps to identify the message, tone, values, and personal details you want your officiant to include. Complete it together in about 15 to 20 minutes, then give the final summary page to your officiant.
Get the workbook on EtsyAffiliate link: we may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you.
Return to the complete wedding ceremony script guide to see where the charge fits.