Before the promises
Preface to the Vows
Immediately following the Intentions comes the Preface to the Vows. It introduces the vows and helps the couple, and those witnessing the ceremony, understand the significance of the promises that are about to be made.
The vows are the promises of commitment two people make to one another, and they form the heart of the wedding ceremony. The Preface creates a brief pause before those promises are spoken, helping the couple focus on what they are about to say to each other. Vows are serious, and should be taken seriously.
The quick version
- The Preface comes right after the Intentions and just before the vows.
- It gives the couple a brief pause to focus on the promises they are about to make.
- Speak directly to the couple, with warm eye contact and an unhurried pace.
- Leave the humor for other parts of the wedding. This moment is serious.
- Be as creative as you like, but your words must show you intend to be married.
In this guide
Where does it come in the wedding ceremony?
The Preface to the Vows comes immediately after the Intentions and just before the exchange of vows. It provides a natural transition between the couple expressing their intention to marry and making the promises that will define their commitment to one another.
The Intentions answer an important question: Do you freely choose to marry this person? The Preface then turns the ceremony toward another: What do the promises you are about to make mean?
This transition can be easy to overlook when creating a ceremony, but in my experience officiating weddings, it can change the feeling of the moment. I once observed a small, legal marriage ceremony that was intended to be practical and straightforward. The officiant followed her prescribed notes and moved directly from the Intentions to the vows. The couple did not smile, glance at one another, or squeeze each other’s hands. They remained facing forward as the ceremony moved directly into the exchange of vows.
An officiant can create a more personal moment by speaking directly to the couple as they prepare to exchange their vows. Good eye contact and an unhurried delivery add warmth and give the couple a moment to focus on each other rather than simply moving from one part of the ceremony to the next.
The Preface can be brief or more reflective, depending on the style of the ceremony. Whatever its length, its purpose is simple: to help the couple and their guests pause and recognize the significance of the promises that are about to be made.
Good eye contact and an unhurried delivery add warmth and give the couple a moment to focus on each other.
What should the Preface to the Vows say?
The Preface to the Vows should express the meaning and importance of the promises the couple is about to make. It does not need to be lengthy, but it should help create a thoughtful pause before one of the most significant moments of the wedding ceremony.
This is an opportunity to say something about love, commitment, trust, faithfulness, partnership, or the life the couple hopes to build together. The wording can be traditional, contemporary, romantic, spiritual, or uniquely personal. What matters is that it reflects the couple and gives significance to the vows that follow.
Some authors include humor at various points in the wedding ceremony. The Intentions, the Preface to the Vows, and the taking of the vows are not the place for it. This is a serious moment that has personal, relational, financial and legal implications.
Humor by its nature makes light of, or pokes fun at, a given circumstance. A wedding is a joyous occasion, and there is a time for good humor at select points during the event, but choose wisely where and when you use it. You want the wedding to be in good taste, well within the borders of social acceptability.
A wedding is a joyous occasion, and there is a time for good humor at select points during the event, but choose wisely where and when you use it.
The Preface also gives you another chance to talk together before the wedding about what your vows mean to you. Share those thoughts with your officiant well in advance of the ceremony so they can be woven into the wording of the Preface.
Both the Intentions and the vows contain elements that are required to make the wedding legal and authentic. Be as creative as you like, but somewhere within the Intentions and the vows the couple has to indicate and agree that their desire, and the purpose of the event, is to be married.
Commitment ceremonies, ceremonies affirming a relationship, and other formal public expressions of mutual love do not necessarily mean the event is a legal marriage. To be legally married you need a marriage license, an officiant legally authorized to perform the ceremony, an expression from the couple that it is their desire and intent to be married (shown by the ritual they take part in), and a declaration made by the officiant.
When delivering the Preface, the officiant should speak directly to the couple rather than simply reading to the guests. Warmth, good eye contact, and an unhurried delivery can make even a brief Preface feel personal and meaningful.
Preface to the Vows examples
There is no single correct way to write a Preface to the Vows. It can be just a few sentences or a more reflective introduction to the promises that follow. The following examples illustrate several different approaches and can be used as inspiration for creating wording that fits your ceremony.
Example 1: The meaning behind the words
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The vows you take today may seem magical and powerful, but this is only because your hearts make them so.
Left unto themselves, these words do not make you husband and wife, nor do they change in any way the relationship that exists between you.
We have never yet devised a promise that cannot be broken. Laws, social pressures, conscience, or even pride, have not safeguarded what was once our strong intent. We have always found ways to break a promise or shape its meaning to match our own desires.
Words have been spoken throughout time, but it is the steadfastness of the heart that gives meaning to those words. Words can express the sentiments of the heart, but it takes the heart’s continuing devotion to give them meaning.
It is not simply to vows, or to the institution of marriage, that we appeal at this moment of commitment. It is to that which lies within each of you. Each must draw from that which is within to give to the other; your gifts must be mutual.
When you are pressured by the vicissitudes of life, remember your vows. Say them in your heart and to each other. Express them in actions and in many different ways throughout the coming days and years.
Example 2: A simple preface about commitment
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Vows are words that express the commitment you both intend to keep. Vows can be broken, but not without doing damage to those who have made them.
Your vows today are filled with meaning. Promise yourselves, and each other, that you will keep them sacred.
Treasure their worth, for they can never be replaced.
Example 3: A Christian preface to the vows
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Vows are words that have power only because you give them that power.
On their own, they are meaningless, but when rooted in your love, your determination, your passion, and your kindness, they are the strongest force in the world.
God’s word tells us that “the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, and temperance.” (Galatians 5:22–25)
You have these gifts because you are God’s children. As you live in the Spirit, may you also walk together in the Spirit.
Example 4: Vows that grow stronger through life
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The vows that you are about to take will have meaning only insofar as you treasure them. Know that they are the foundation of your marriage. If you keep them, you will have clarity in your marriage and in your relationship.
Life does not, however, allow us always to live harmoniously. You will be challenged and tempted. You may even break your vows. We pray that this may not happen, but should your good resolutions be broken, the damage is not irreparable. Your vows can become stronger through adversity if you are willing to pay the price.
When temptations come, when you are tempted to say, “I cannot go on,” when you hear the unwelcome whisper in your ear that says, “It is not worth it,” you are not powerless.
When your actions lead you to shame, I urge you to share your struggle with each other. If you conceal your shortcomings, they will increase in strength and, if not checked, enslave you.
If you share your struggles with each other, however great the pain, the obstacles will fade like a puff of smoke. Over time, you will scarcely be able to find their trace.
The path to strengthening your vows is through effort and sharing. The oak begins as a small sapling. In time, it stands as a proud testament to the worth of commitment.
May the fragile newness of your vows become the bedrock of your life together.
Example 5: Promises for the life you build together
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“[Name] and [Name], marriage is a promise made in the heart and lived out every day. The vows you are about to make give words to the love, trust, and commitment you have chosen to share. As you speak these promises to one another, remember that they are not only words for this moment, but promises you will carry with you into the life you are building together.”
Vows are words that have power only because you give them that power.
Short prefaces for different ceremony styles
The Preface to the Vows does not need to be lengthy to be meaningful. Sometimes a few carefully chosen sentences are enough to help the couple pause, focus on one another, and recognize the significance of the promises they are about to make.
The following shorter Prefaces offer different approaches. They can be used as written or adapted to reflect the couple, their relationship, and the tone of the ceremony.
Traditional
“[Name] and [Name], the vows you are about to make are an expression of your love and commitment to one another. They are more than words spoken on your wedding day; they are promises you will carry with you throughout your marriage. As you prepare to make these vows, speak them sincerely and receive the promises of the person you have chosen to share your life with.”
Romantic
“[Name] and [Name], love has brought you to this moment, and now you will give that love a voice through the promises you make to one another. As you speak your vows, let them express not only the love you share today, but also your hopes for all the days you will share together.”
Modern
“[Name] and [Name], a strong marriage is built not on perfection, but on intention, on continuing to choose one another through all that life brings. The vows you are about to make express that choice. As you speak them to one another, let them reflect your love, your hopes, and the life you have chosen to build together.”
Short and simple
“[Name] and [Name], you have come to the moment when you will make your vows to one another. These are the promises you make today and carry with you into your marriage. Take this moment to look at one another and speak those promises from the heart.”
Spiritual
“[Name] and [Name], love is one of life’s great gifts, and the promises you are about to make are an expression of that gift. As you speak your vows to one another, may you do so with open hearts, gratitude for the love you share, and hope for the life that lies before you.”
What comes after the Preface to the Vows?
After the Preface to the Vows, the couple moves into the exchange of vows. The Preface has prepared them for this moment; now they make the promises that express their commitment to one another.
Wedding vows can be traditional or contemporary, religious or secular, or written personally by the couple. Whatever form they take, the vows should reflect promises the couple understands, believes in, and intends to keep.
If you are deciding what your vows should say, explore Wedding Vows: Meaning, Examples & Wording for additional examples and ideas. Couples who want to create their own vows can also use How to Write Wedding Vows That Matter for step-by-step guidance.
To see where the Preface and exchange of vows fit within the entire ceremony, visit our Wedding Ceremony Script: Your Complete Guide.