Wedding Themes and Decor: How to Decide

The following are three categories that will provide an overarching framework that will help plan your wedding. Selecting any one category will determine what options may be available and what may not be practical or possible.

Category 1: local or destination?

Will the wedding be local or will it be a destination wedding, meaning travel will be involved?

A destination wedding takes place outside of one’s local area, state, and sometimes in another country. A local wedding takes place in familiar surroundings and is close to where you live.

The following are factors in determining if a local or destination wedding is best for you.

Local

• More direct control and hands-on involvement
• Great flexibility in the number of guests
• Can be less expensive because you can do much of the work
• Can be more expensive because there are few limitations on what you might want to include in your wedding
• Can be more personal as you are familiar with the location, people, and resources

Destination

• Can be more exotic. More logistics will be managed by location resources
• The number of guests may be limited due to travel considerations
• Can be less expensive because the wedding will be smaller and may double as a honeymoon
• Can be more expensive because some venues will have significantly high fees
• Can be more romantic with less stress as you are not as involved in planning and working out the details

Category 2: religious or civil ceremony?

Will the wedding ceremony itself be a religious ceremony, or a civil ceremony?

Traditional weddings usually have a faith context. As such the setting for the wedding will probably be in a church, synagogue, or other sacred space.

There are many advantages if you are a person of faith. You will have a congregation that has known you and supported you through many of life’s milestones. Your wedding is another of those milestones where your faith community will provide support.

If your partner is of one faith, and you of another, there may be requirements before the clergy or faith leader can perform the wedding ceremony. Meet with the religious officiant early to determine what is required and if you are willing to abide by those requirements.

While a donation is appropriate, there may or may not be a fee and additional fees for opening and preparing the gathering space, and for cleaning following the ceremony.

Civil ceremonies are simple and cost-effective. There will be less opportunity to customize the ceremony. Music, readings, and the number of guests may be limited. As indicated below, there are advantages and disadvantages to both options.

Religious ceremony

• Deeply rooted and reflective of your spirituality and faith
• More personal as you will probably have a personal connection or relationship with the officiant
• A religious ceremony may have certain restrictions
• There may be additional fees for set up, cleaning, and other services
• There will be a rehearsal, and there may be more elaborate elements in the ceremony such as a soloist, readings, rituals, etc.

Civil ceremony

• Spirituality and faith expression are not central to the ceremony
• Can be less personal as you may not know the officiant
• A civil ceremony may be more flexible than a religious ceremony
• Depending on the size of the wedding and the venue, there may or may not be additional fees for other services
• Depending on the venue, there may be limited opportunities for special music, readings, rituals, etc. Overall the ceremony will probably be simplified

Category 3: indoors or outdoors?

Will the wedding and reception be indoors or outdoors?

In some cases, it may be that the ceremony is indoors and the reception is held at a different outdoor location.

The following assumes that both the ceremony and the reception will either be indoors or outdoors. The location of each, however, may be different.

Indoor

• Weather conditions and seasonality should not be a major consideration
• The size of the gathering space may be restrictive, just right, or expansive in which case plans will need to be made accordingly
• Scheduling in advance will be essential as the indoor location may be in high demand. This is also true of many outdoor venues, however, there may be more flexibility with outdoor settings
• Your environment will be climate-controlled, neither too hot nor too cold, and certainly not windy or wet
• Amplification equipment, some musical instruments, and seating are more easily accessed in indoor locations

Outdoor

• Weather variability may necessitate alternative arrangements as a backup plan
• Backyard, park locations, country settings, etc. may be free of charge or only require a donation
• Backyard, park locations, and country settings will have more logistical issues such as restrooms, chairs, staging, parking, etc.
• The possibility of wind, heat, cold, and rain may interfere with decorations, table settings, and overall comfort
• There may be an additional fee for amplification equipment, musical instruments, seating, and tables

The number of wedding themes that you might consider is vast. This expands to limitless options when various wedding themes are tastefully and creatively intermingled.

I once attended a very beautiful wedding that had a fairytale entrance with the bride arriving in a white coach drawn by white horses, the young boys carrying rings and gifts were dressed in pleated pants, baggy shirts, brown ankle boots, thin suspenders, and paperboy hats. The tables were decorated with old picture frames, pearl necklaces, small jewelry boxes, and lace. The wedding had well-proportioned elements of a fairytale, traditional, vintage, and romantic-themed wedding.

For our purposes, we group wedding themes into eight categories. There can be many variations of each theme. Each wedding theme can be expressed in the selection of attire, color selections, flowers, music, rituals, poetry and readings, decor, table settings, food selections, special features, and more. It will be these elements and the details of each that give life to the theme of your wedding.

The following are elements that come to mind for each of the following themes. The intent is to spark your creative thought processes.

Traditional wedding

Traditional weddings include recognition of heritage, the involvement of family, and an emphasis on the wedding ceremony. A traditional wedding ceremony is typically religious, but not always. The decor is often white, clean, and elegant. Bridesmaids and groomsmen will hold traditional roles and titles, with each group dressed uniformly in formal attire. Usually, there will be minimal or no trendy elements.

A traditional wedding is elegant and will stand the test of time. It will be a wedding that you will look back on with no regrets. An elegant, traditional wedding does not need to be extravagant, large or expensive. Simple pastels, or white with measured colored accents can be most effective. You can ask guests to dress in black and white, navy and white, or even black tie attire if it feels right for you.

Fairytale wedding

A fairytale wedding would include a magical, enchanted location, with lots of flowers. The dresses would be dramatic. Think of the pictures that you have seen of Princess Diana’s wedding to Prince Charles of England. Lighting would be soft and create a warm ambiance. Music would be romantic and gentle. And, of course, a carriage ride either at the beginning of the event, or one that carries the couple off into the sunset would be imaginable.

Romantic wedding

Think of what you might plan for a romantic date. Candles set in candelabras, dimly lit chandeliers, warm twinkle lights or lanterns, white satin and sheer draperies, soft pastel chair coverings, with flowers with hints of pastels, greenery, and love songs, lots of gentle love songs would all be in order.

Modern wedding

If you love modern, you may already fit the theme with an edgy hairstyle, and a preference for clothes, makeup, and jewelry that are just on the edge of tomorrow. Watch a few fashion shows for ideas. Bold materials, colors, mirrored and chrome elements of decor in a modern-themed museum or trendy business park could be fun.

Vintage wedding

A vintage wedding might mirror past decades. A roaring twenties milieu comes to mind. The wedding could also be reflective of the 50’s, 60’s, 70’s, and so on through the decades. There is much that characterizes times past from clothes, to music, to hairstyles, to cars . . . well, take a look at some old photographs, watch an old movie, and most certainly visit an antique store. There will be lots to work with.

Country wedding

A country-themed wedding is just that, a wedding in the country. Think of a farm, old machinery, green meadows, and fall colors. A country wedding can still be elegant. I have attended very beautiful weddings that took place in a barn. Of course, the barn had been scrubbed, and the lighting, or lack thereof, made the setting most elegant.

A variation of a country wedding theme may be to include a rustic flair. This would include using natural elements such as wood, burlap, greenery, wild or dried flowers, and basic metals. Combining these elements with candles, chandeliers, and more delicate fabrics will soften the effect.

Eclectic wedding

An eclectic wedding has a mix of several different themes. The art of pulling together an eclectic wedding theme depends on how the various elements are tied together. It takes a bit of creative talent to have the end product look as if everything belongs, rather than a bunch of different stuff. I have seen mason jars for water, stemmed wine glasses, and tin plates used as the table setting. Chalkboard menus, fish bowls with goldfish, and roses adorned with weeds as foliage have been used for table centers.

Destination wedding

A destination wedding is a wedding at a location other than where the bride and groom live. It is often, but not always, at a resort-type location. The locations are limitless and include settings in the mountains, at a beach, in the desert, on a ship, at a historic site or park, in a vineyard, botanical garden, or even in a beautiful backyard. Destination weddings set the tone for a memory-making event. They can be economical or very expensive.

Capitalize on the time of year for the color palette. For example, pastels in spring, autumn earth-tone colors in the fall, and strong, clear colors in winter work well.

An elegant, traditional wedding does not need to be extravagant, large or expensive.

The following are a few examples of different ways to help you think through the process of considering creative ideas. Some will be simple, and some more elaborate.

Places

1. Is there a particular geographical place that you both cherish?

2. Are there places that hold common dreams, significance, or have some other personal or family connection?

Moods

3. What is the mood that you would like to create? Capitalizing on the combination of you and your partner’s birthstone colors can be very beautiful if the colors are complementary.

4. Do you think the mood should be casual, cocktail style, black tie attire, or someplace in between?

Time periods and eras

5. Are you drawn to a particular era such as the 1920s, the '50s, or a mix?

6. Is there a period in history that holds significance in your ancestry?

Connections and attractions

7. What are your hobbies?

8. Do you share one or more personal interests?

Your own identity

9. Were there specific and unusual details about the circumstances that drew the two of you together?

10. Are there certain values, beliefs, traditions, rituals that you share in common?

Will I still be proud that I selected this theme in ten years?

Beauty and good taste may be in the eye of the beholder, so be careful. This is your wedding day; a day to be captured both electronically and in your memories.

Theme thoughts

When choosing a wedding theme, ask yourself:

• Will I still be proud that I selected this theme in ten years? Times change and your chosen theme may be one that matters to you regardless of how many years pass. Does your chosen theme have meaning that will stand over time?
• Will my chosen theme embarrass me or anyone else at the gathering? Where is the line between attention to the details, and what is just too much?
• In a few years will I care about that theme, place, superhero, movie, song, or trend upon which I am basing my wedding theme?
• Can I picture myself in 10 years or even in a year or two still looking back on this as the theme that marks the significance of my wedding? Will I have grown past it, and does that matter?

Passion or practical

The best advice when it comes to wedding themes is to find your balance between passion and practicality. It’s that tug between our dreams and reality. We should not give up on our dreams, and at the same time, we should understand the reality of our circumstances. Our dreams are often expensive, take more time to fulfill, can be logistically complicated, and can have the potential to limit our realization of the lived experience.

The best advice when it comes to wedding themes is to find your balance between passion and practicality.

It’s about choices. What else could we do with that time, those dollars, and the effort to create the details of the wedding theme of your dreams? Will it matter to you once your car pulls out of the reception parking lot that every detail that you imagined came true? Determine what elements of the dream contribute and matter most to you and to your guests in making your day the perfect experience. It is your day! It is also your time, resources, and peace of mind. Everything you do should add up to a joyous and stress-free day.