Before the Ring, the Bank Statement

Couples will share a bed long before they share a bank statement.

I understand why. Money is personal. It carries pride, embarrassment, old habits and sometimes old mistakes. Telling someone what you earn, what you owe and how you spend can feel more exposed than anything else you'll do together. But it's one of the most important conversations you'll ever have, and the sooner it happens, the better.

I say that as someone who came to the table with very little to show.

What I brought, and what she bought

When Shannon and I were dating, I had no money to speak of. What I did have was credit card debt, part of it from a sewing machine I'd bought for a girlfriend before Shannon. Not my finest financial moment.

Shannon, on the other hand, was wise beyond her years, and certainly beyond mine. She saved. Before we were married, she bought our first bedroom suite. She bought the car that replaced my yellow Volkswagen: a Pontiac Laurentian, white with a partial blue vinyl top.

It was stunning. So stunning that a friend asked to borrow it for the night he proposed to his girlfriend.

We've had a good life together. But I'll be honest: I still wish I'd been as thoughtful and wise with money back then as she was, and that I'd brought more to the start of our marriage than a debt and a good heart.

My take: talk early, talk plainly

Talk about money early, before the engagement if you can. Not as a test, and not to keep score. Just to know each other. A few questions to start with:

• Do you save, or spend? Neither is wrong, but you'll want to know.
• Do you carry any debt? Credit cards, student loans, a car payment. Put it all on the table.
• What did money look like in the home you grew up in? Most of our habits come from there.
• Who's the planner, and who's the "it'll work out" one? Every couple has one of each.

It may be an awkward conversation. It may be a humbling one, as it would have been for me. But it's far easier before the wedding than after the first surprise bill.

Ready to put real numbers on paper together? Start with how to plan a wedding budget without overspending. Working through other big choices as a couple? See how to make wedding planning decisions together.

Written by David Pringle, who has officiated many weddings and has been married more than fifty years. Meet David