Love Letters

Love letters may be considered gushy but the truth is, we all like to be affirmed. That is what these written expressions are designed to do.

Love letter 1

My wife and I have told our children as they mature into adulthood that it is not how you make a person feel about you that makes the individual fall in love with you. Rather, it is how you make the other feel about themselves that makes the difference. That is what expressions of love and care do.

While we may think building relationships is about expressing who we are, it is really about expressing and building upon those qualities that make the other person feel and experience being valued and significant.

Such expressions of love are written all the time in thank you notes to friends and co-workers. They are written when we buy lunch or even coffee for a colleague. They are written when we hold a door open for a stranger in a store. They are written when we give a speech, when we dress up for a special occasion, when we simply smile, and when we look with delight into the eyes of another person.

All of these expressions say, “You matter.”

The degree of mattering is different in each situation. And that is the art of creating this type of love letter. You apply just the right amount of expression, or maybe a bit more, for the given situation and magic happens.

That magic is powerful. It is a strong sense of well-being, an intimate moment when you touch another person deeply. And it’s an easy art to learn. It costs nothing except a little thoughtfulness, and sometimes pre-planning. The results are of immeasurable worth.

Delivering the message

How these messages of love are delivered is important as well. Lots of songs have been written about the postman, now more appropriately called the postal worker, delivering that long-awaited message.

While the postal service may not be very romantic or creative, it still seems to beat a text message. So putting a little thought and creativity into the delivery can be almost as important as the words. Together they create the message.

Consider having a good friend dress up as a postal delivery person and hand deliver the letter to your love. Or fasten the letter to a helium-filled balloon and leave it on the doorstep. Of course, be careful that the letter is heavy enough to ensure that it does not float away. Or tie a flower to the love note, and fasten it to the door handle of your love’s home. If you do want to use technology, signal that your love should check outside the door to ensure your note is picked up in a timely way.

Throughout the process of planning your wedding there are lots of opportunities for love letters, again, using that term in the broadest sense.

How to write a love letter

You don’t have to be a writer. A love letter works because it is specific and it is true. Here is a simple way to start.

1. Start with one real memory

   Think of a moment when you knew this person was the one. Write that down first, in plain words.

2. Say what you see in them

   Name one or two things you admire. Kindness, patience, the way they laugh at themselves. Be specific. “You stayed up with me when my dad was sick” beats “you are so supportive.”

3. Say what you are looking forward to

   Keep it simple. Coming home to each other, growing old together, Saturday mornings.

4. Keep it short

   One page is plenty. A few honest lines will mean more than three pages of fancy words.

5. Write it by hand if you can

   Your handwriting is part of the gift. Neither of you will ever want to throw it away.

If you get stuck, begin with the words “I want you to know...” and keep going.

Love letter examples you can use or adapt

Use these as written, or change them until they sound like you. Replace the [Name] and bracketed parts with your own details.

A letter to read just before the ceremony

A short note for the morning of the wedding

A letter from a parent

A letter to your parents or those who raised you

A few more ideas

• A letter to put in the other person’s hand during the first look
• A note slipped into a bouquet, a pocket, or a shoe
• A letter each of you saves to open on your first anniversary

A love letter just before the ceremony

One of the most romantic things that I have seen was when our son-in-law-to-be, just before the wedding ceremony was to take place, had the best man hand deliver a beautiful card to his fiancée. I don’t know what it said, and it really didn’t matter. It was the fact that he pre-planned to communicate with his bride just before the ceremony, letting her know one last time during single life that SHE was his greatest joy and deepest desire.

Personalized love letters

Personalized wedding gifts are also love letters of a different sort. I know of a couple who received beautiful black dinner and gold cocktail napkins with the words, “Welcome to our home . . . Kerry and Jordan.”

This type of gift is personal and meaningful on three counts. The gift is about the couple. They are establishing a home in a different way, and they will be looking forward to entertaining as a married couple.

Gifts do not need to be monogrammed in order to be personal. Almost all newlyweds go on a honeymoon, and many do not have a lot of resources. I once saw a wedding gift that was a beautiful appointment calendar. Inside each date for the coming week was a small envelope, different for each day. Inside those envelopes was cash and gift certificates with corresponding pictures of restaurants, flowers, candy, champagne, and even gas. This could be a pricey gift but it can be tailored to fit the budget of the giver.