Ask David
My Daughter Wants to Get Married on Christmas Day
Dear David,
My daughter and her fiancé have announced that they want to get married on Christmas Day.
They say Christmas is their favorite holiday and that a wedding would make it even more special.
My husband and I host Christmas dinner every year for our extended family. We have grandchildren, elderly relatives, and family members who travel considerable distances.
I love my daughter, but I think asking everyone to attend a wedding on Christmas Day is inconsiderate.
She says people who love her will make the effort.
Should I tell her sheâs making a mistake?
â Christmas Mother
Dear Christmas,
Youâre right. Christmas Day is a lot to ask. Say so once, kindly, and then let her decide.
I love a Christmas wedding. The candles, the greenery, the music everyone already knows. The only trouble is that everybody already has plans.
In our family, Christmas means a gingerbread house contest, complete with categories and voting.
Every family has something like that. Asking all of them to give it up at once is a big ask.
What troubles me most is her line that people who love her will make the effort. Thatâs an unfair test. Love isnât measured by whether a grandmother will leave her own grandchildren on Christmas morning.
So ask her what makes the twenty-fifth itself so important. If they met that day, it matters. If they just want twinkle lights and snow, an early December Saturday gives them all of it without upending everyoneâs holiday. The vendors may even be easier to book.
If she still picks Christmas, keep the guest list small, send invitations without guilt attached and accept every ânoâ graciously. Move your own Christmas dinner to another day if you need to. But donât boycott.
Our family has had to do that more than once. With in-laws, work schedules and everyoneâs other commitments, weâve celebrated Christmas on the 24th, the 26th, even January 9th. It was still Christmas.
A Christmas wedding can be a lovely gift to the couple. It shouldnât come wrapped in an obligation for everyone else.