How to plan a wedding that is yours

Planning your wedding can be a fun and satisfying experience

Our Wedding Guide helps you dream about the possibilities for your perfect day. At the same time, it shows you how to plan a wedding, from practical necessities such as what to do first through to the details that put the finishing touches on the event.

Knowing how to plan a wedding can make the process fun, as it should be. Make enjoying yourself your mindset. One way of dealing with frustration and disappointment is humor. Find a way to poke fun at life’s discouraging moments.

Another fun thing to do is take pictures of anything and everything that goes into planning your wedding. Believe me, it will be fun to look back on, and those photographs make great storyboards to display on your wedding day. Keep your mobile phone handy.

Celebrate often, with just a simple cupcake to share, a dinner out, or a milestone calendar that identifies one reason each month to recognize your accomplishments. The point is to embrace the journey. If you focus only on the tasks at hand, rather than on the experience, you will miss opportunities to weave your life pattern together. Certainly there will be frustrations, disappointments and the unexpected. Keep in mind that every crisis, big or small, is an opportunity for change, growth, improvement, creativity and a better outcome.

For some, the perfect wedding is all about the location, the attire, or the flowers. For others it is the music, the décor, the cake, or the guest list. This guide offers ideas for planning a wedding that is a complete experience, one that marks the whole event as yours and sets the tone for a lifetime of love, romance, memories and dreams come true.

Throughout you will find very practical information, suggestions and options from which to choose. You will also find a good bit of relational advice.

Your wedding is more than a destination. It is a point on a continuum that marks only one day in your life journey.

Scattered throughout are invitations to plan from a perspective that may be outside of tradition. Seeing things differently may take you out of your comfort zone, and you are encouraged to stay with a point of view that challenges your thinking. Sometimes better ideas are born out of what at first appears unusual.

Traditions and expectations

Many weddings today have become elaborate and expensive. Don’t fall into the trap that you must have something, whatever the something is. Must-haves can cost a lot of money. They are often based on tradition and, in some cases, expectations.

Traditions are fine, and often beautiful, if you want to use some of your resources to that end. As for expectations? Whose expectations are we talking about? The decisions are yours.

Traditions that involve giving money to the couple

I once attended, as a guest, a wedding reception that had several traditions. One was a money dance. Money was tossed toward the newlywed couple as they danced, sometimes single bills, and a couple of times during the evening a basket filled with money was tossed in the air like confetti. The idea was to help the couple get off to a good start financially and provide a little extra spending money.

Personally, I don’t carry cash. None! I was not prepared for this tradition. No one expected me to participate, but had I known, I would have come prepared. Those unfamiliar with the tradition might find it an intrusive ask for money. In reality, it is an opportunity for generosity and an expression of love.

Alcohol or non-alcoholic refreshments

Another tradition or expectation might be an open bar at the reception, which can be expensive for whoever is hosting. I have been at weddings where each guest received two tickets for wine or beer, with wine served at the tables for dinner. I have also been at receptions where the bar was totally open, and at receptions with no alcohol at all, not even wine with dinner. Again, this is up to you.

An alternative might be a specialty coffee bar or a chocolate display. Neither is inexpensive. I do not favor chocolate fountains. I have yet to see one that is attractive, and they are messy!

Love

There are really no must-haves when it comes to planning your wedding except love. You definitely need that.

Well, maybe there are a few more. You must have an agreement with another person in order to get married. If you want to make it legal, you also need a license, an officiant who is authorized to perform marriages, and a witness. That’s it. The rest is optional.

Focus on the couple

It is easy for wedding planning to become centered around one person. Sometimes one partner has dreamed about the wedding for years, while the other has given it very little thought. That is perfectly fine. The important thing is making room for both of you in the planning process.

You may not be equally interested in every decision. One of you may care deeply about the ceremony while the other is excited about the music, food, location, or the people who will be there. And sometimes your partner may simply say, “Whatever you want.” That is fine, too, but make sure the invitation to participate is there.

Look for the parts of the wedding that matter to each of you. Talk about them. Listen to one another. You may discover ideas and priorities you hadn’t considered.

Your wedding is about two lives coming together. The planning process is one of your first opportunities to create something that reflects both of you: your personalities, your values, your relationships, and the life you are beginning together.

Who is Our Wedding Guide for?

Weddings are about two people choosing to share their lives and make a commitment to one another. Our Wedding Guide is intended to be a welcoming resource for couples of every race, ethnicity, nationality, religion, sexual orientation, gender, political persuasion, ability, and age.

I once had the privilege of officiating at the marriage of two people with developmental disabilities. They were in love. They knew they wanted to share their lives. And they figured it out.

Spirituality, meaning and faith

Religion has played a big part in how people plan a wedding. It is always important to consider how you wish to express your spirituality. Sometimes that expression is through religious traditions, and sometimes it is not.

Spirituality is about our search for meaning, purpose, relatedness, hope, healing, love and forgiveness. These are foundational elements of any marriage.

There are many ways of bringing out the spirituality of a couple, with or without religious tradition. I once had the delight of performing the ceremony for a young couple who both worked as health care workers in a large local hospital. It was acknowledged in the ceremony that they had both chosen to be healers in life, dedicating themselves to the wellbeing of others. That was an expression of their spirituality.

Poetry, music, rituals and art are all ways of expressing our spirituality. Scripture, sacred writings, sacraments, prayers and blessings are ways of expressing the faith associated with specific religious traditions.

An event or an experience? A destination or a journey?

If we could only look back and see forward. Life is a motion picture, not a snapshot.

Brides, grooms and couples often focus on the clothes, and that is good, because what is worn expresses the personality of the couple and sets the tone for the event. But there is more, a lot more. It is about a journey much more than a destination.

A well-thought-through plan for your wedding will reflect you as a couple in every aspect of the celebration, from the invitations, decorations, music, toasts and tributes, right through to the threshold of the honeymoon. Create your wedding day as an experience to be remembered by all and cherished by you.

In the years to come, may you look back and say to each other, “What a trip.”

There is much more that we leave for you to discover. We wish you the very best in using Our Wedding Guide to plan YOUR wedding. Enjoy!

Where to go next

Wherever you are in your planning, here are three good places to begin.