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David's Take

What If I Laugh (or Cry) During My Vows?

A bride and groom holding hands under a flowered arch, the bride laughing softly with her head tipped down

Brides ask me this more than you'd think. Usually the worry is crying. Sometimes it's the giggles. Both happen, and both are normal.

I'll tell you about one bride I've never forgotten. Partway through the ceremony she started laughing, and she could not stop. I waited. I started again. I waited some more. Finally I said something like, "Laughter is a good thing. It expresses emotions we sometimes don't understand." It didn't help much.

What I remember most is the groom. As the minutes went by, his face fell. He thought she wasn't taking the moment seriously. She finally settled down, but something was lost that day, and I think it was mostly because he didn't understand what was happening.

Nervous laughter isn't silliness. It's the body letting off steam when feelings get too big. Tears work the same way.

How to stay steady

  • Tell your partner ahead of time. If you know you laugh or cry when you're nervous, say so before the wedding. Then if it happens, they'll smile with you instead of wondering what's wrong.
  • Practice your vows out loud. Say them several times, even to the mirror. The more familiar the words, the less they'll catch you off guard.
  • Look at your partner, not the crowd. Faces in the audience, especially that one friend who always cracks you up, can set you off.
  • Breathe. A slow breath in and out does more than you'd expect.
  • Let your officiant help. A good officiant will pause, give you a moment, and carry on. Nobody minds the wait.

Your guests will remember the love, not the laugh.

And if it happens anyway? It's all right. Just make sure the person standing across from you knows what it means.

Want help with the words themselves? Start with how to write wedding vows that matter. My complete guide to the wedding ceremony walks you through every part. And my Wedding Ceremony Words Workbook on Etsy helps you choose and practice the words, so they feel familiar on the day.

More plain talk: see all of David's Take

Written by David Pringle, who has officiated many weddings and grew up in his parents' flower shop. Meet David